tv Jonathan Last on The Dadly Virtues CSPAN June 20, 2015 8:00am-9:16am EDT
hook the daily virtues. >> ladies and gentlemen if tucker carlson could please take his seat. rumors are that p.j. is in fact in the building. so that is what we were waiting for. i am jonah gold herb. i want to thank everybody for coming. it is very rare in public policies for someone to come up with a new idea but that is exactly what charles murray has done with this book by the people. this is a tree into thing. on thursday and doing a book about with charles murray so i hope you can all come to that too. i guess i'll just wing this one. i think it was steve jesus said in his chat to her or at least
an excerpt i saw that fatherhood is the most monumental job a man can have and we are all completely unqualified for it until we do it. and it's true. fatherhood is one of the few significant things in our life in which all the clichés are true including the ones that contradict each other. in mr. bull energy drink in wallet emptying endeavor punctuated in early stages by a vaporous facility at that assault the senses and singes our memory. and yet it's totally worth it. parenthood is about long days am very sure years. i knew some of the men on this panel when they were young and single quite well in the notion you have entrusted any of them with a small vulnerable human being what is striking is just as insane.
fortunately with the exception of rob artichoke and childless bachelor, started the house away on the fatherless panel i have been on good authority they all married a period i want to thank caroline kitchen to help with design as well as the entire laugh at aei. they make it look good with little to no effort for me which is something i hope to one day say about my daughter. i will close by simply noting this is not a closely argued debated the finer points of public policy as it relates to fatherhood can i rally freewheeling conversation hosted by and heroic editor, jonathan last but not least our moderator. with that i give you jonathan last.
>> thank you jonah. thank you to aei for having us back to it after the last time i wasn't sure we were going to be allowed. we are here to talk about fatherhood, a more complicated subject and you might think. on one hand it is horrifying. when my wife was pregnant, we knew we were having a baby. i had this conversation with the brilliant christine rosen. she said employee to you how the pptp yet. i looked at her and i said in a what now? she said never mind i to ruin the surprise. the surprise being that little baby boys p. although for all the time, especially on the changing table. my baby boy he'd like the bellagio fountain. walls ,-com,-com ma but cases come anything in a three-foot kill zone.
so i remember three weeks then when it's on the changing table and he starts with cap like quickness to get my hand over it. i sat there smiling to myself as a p. although for me. i had the sense of deep satisfaction like i did the way of foolish war and peace. it was at that point i realized something had gone terribly wrong in my life. this is what children do. they take things from you. it starts with your dignity and expense to serenity and eventually a great deal of money. by any objective measure, fatherhood is a terrible thing. at the same time it's a wellspring of something important in society and diametrically opposed to what i discussed and that his manliness. lots of you know he literally wrote the book on manliness.
mansfield said manliness is at best half good and have bad. we need manliness because it motivates a chain and stomach areas, but also feels our bill and then also a bad folks. it is not in and of itself good here but professor mansfield argues and i'm sure he's right. if you drill down to the nuclear core what you find a chivalry. sugar in the sense of desire to protect the innocent. that is actually perfect job inscription for fatherhood. actually go further and say fatherhood is a wellspring of the entire good side of manliness. so despite every i would argue you should probably engage in it. the book we've written together is the book i wish i had when we first had kids. kind of a swiss army knife. part instruction manual, philosophical meditation and
will give you each of those sites. each of us will present a sob story of our single worst moment of fatherhood and then we are going to tell you our single most profound bit of wisdom and advice we have gleaned from the skies. brodeur was unencumbered ingloriously gloriously free is going to moderate and cross-examine as he sees fit. because we have to have some stakes, at the end rob will determine which of us is father of the year. i'll go first. trying to come up with my worst data moment. there's the time we were driving from new jersey to d.c. we stopped at the maryland house because my six -month-old kid's paper had exploded. it was so bad you couldn't even go into the maryland house.
this is late november. we threw away all of this close. we took out the line of the car seat. we were buckling him in just a diaper with the foam padding behind him and drove directly three hours home. everybody has those stories. that's easy. >> don't down talk stories. something inherent he spent all the time. >> i like the idea you're ashamed to go to the maryland house. >> everybody knows the chesapeake house is a classy house. >> father of the year. go ahead. >> a couple weeks ago my youngest who is to destroy through this phrase where she were throwing tantrum and strip off her clothes off. she does this too makes it on because then the paragon of stillness i looked down at her and i said will you put your pants back on.
i did not say. make 2-year-old precious angel has this log blonde hair in minutes and she locks eyes with me and says i will never put my pants on. [laughter] she did not say that either. >> she's going to be a popular girl. [laughter] >> she has to put her way through law school somehow. so my low point as a parent came last summer. we have been in town as a family and we had seen a homeless person and who is the first time they really registered with him. he had a lot of questions to which i to talk about this. we are catholic. we try to make this a catholic teaching moment. we said look we have all these
things in life. house, food, stuffed animals and toys. we do not deserve any of this. if we deserve this, it would mean somebody who deserves to have these things doesn't have them. they are blessings and gifts from god and what god wants us to do it share them with everybody else to take care brothers and sisters and neighbors. cody got very quiet and he says i'm going to go upstairs to my room and get all my money and i want to take it to church tomorrow and put it in the poor box. we were so touched by this. may god or who is for says anyway i deserve all the nice things i have. last night so i am just going to keep my money. so this really was terrifying because when it comes to nature versus nurture, parents have to believe and nurture despite the evidence because if we didn't come up with that hang it out. so when you see something like this comment makes you think maybe nothing i do matters.
that is a profoundly depressing thought. that is my sob story. here's my advice. others often think that there will been trying to help their children succeed, which is fine enough. another more subtle duties is to help them learn to manage failure. everybody has failure at some point in their lives from a large-scale failure. his grandmother and how to handle that and if you don't change the course of their life. the first is you want to beat your kids over the head with it so they get used to it. but basic training, boot camp. the second thought is what you wanted to is the idea of failure is demotivating if they fail a lot to get used to it and it becomes self-fulfilling. my own theory is what you want to do is introduce failure under very controlled discreet circumstances so they can learn
things from it and then learn how to slough it off. my big idea for this, baseball. baseball is the high church of ritualized failure in america. if you fail 70% of the time of the time at the plate, you will go to the hall of fame. i don't care whether you send your kid up for the delete or take them to see the nationals for the phillies are whether you catch them in the yard. if you make a small part of their lives early on, you can teach them important lessons about managing failure. that is my big advice i'm afraid. the bad news is this is mildly bit of profound wisdom. i'm not father of the year. i will turn it over to rob said he can tell you who wins. >> from my count you've got one kid who is a stripper one who is a communist and one who is a republican. [laughter] not bad not bad.
>> added 300. >> those are kind of sob stories i ain't. as has been mentioned 10 times here, i do not have been a case here because i love money. and i suspect at some point in your heart of hearts you are looking at this thing and thinking you owe me a million dollars. so what i would like to ask -- >> no ,-com,-com ma that is my first wife. [laughter] >> since he spoke out but is there no shameful moment if a parent? the immaculate time i broke my foreign world to life on purpose. i want to rephrase that. the time i broke my floral sons
on purpose to make him stop whining. i know, call child services. baltimore's chief prosecutor she doesn't have any jurisdiction here, does she? anyway, the way a hacker and was -- yeah. i have to confess this for his compassion forced by my floral son who i was taken to the ski mountain station and saying i think his latest broken, to which my son who is still whining added he did it on purpose. i loved to ski. but i grew up in ohio but there's nothing to ski down. the nearest ski slope had been built on a rubbish pile at the town dump.
so i'm never going to be in the sense that getting shot by the women i love that they do everything like breaker for old son's leg again on purpose. however, we now live in new hampshire and there's a great ski mountain 15 miles away and everybody skis. everybody has skied their whole life and everybody is very competitive about how early they put their kids on skis. chloe went skiing when she was two and branded whiskey before he can walk and madison w-whiskey in vitro. aidan was conceived on skis. so feeling less pressure, took my son skiing when i was three. that is i rented for an excerpt in a price teensy boots and teeny skis and i put it between my legs and grabbed him under the armpits and took him down
this easy green circle run. this is fine. i carved another turn. so my son exhibited no interest in skiing. the next season when he was four he exhibited even less interest. this did not keep me from buying preacher lives over the prices on teensy boots and team ease and putting them on the bunny slope. all i can start brilliant geniuses in everything they do that dictate the modern parenting theory insisting we constantly remind them of this that they are little geniuses in their really. my kid frankly he stopped at skiing. this is probably worse than breaking his leg. i told him, you stink at skiing. not right away of course. i showed him the snowplow forest
stands in a plot backwards instead and wind. i showed them how to lean into a skis and a lame into his diet and fell on it and he whined. i showed him how to shift his weight to the right fit into a right and left for dead last in a shifted his weight to his head and went face first into the snow and wind a lot. this went on for hours and hours. my son showed no interest in skiing, no ability, no aptitude or anything resembling ordination needed to ski. since he wasn't able to do anything but follow for an come to a stop i showed him how to stop it pricing and word and pricing is way and word and pressing outward on his skis. he did the opposite. he shot down hill like a rocket. specifically the rocket carrying the space shuttle challenger in
1986 and he wound up on the bottom of the bunny slope, still on his feet and indeed in a parallel stance except that one ski was pointed towards boston final hall. the other ski tour san francisco's paid cash for his district. he would've gotten away with a bad spring. if i gently carry them to the first eight station. but that is not the timely way. this prolonged whining. he triggered a fundamental exasperated members on which is known as for christ's sake, i can fix this. so i sad for christ's sake i can fix this. i hoisted him in the air and dangled him around assuming the
skis and limbs would unwind like a twisted phone cord. i was told in no uncertain terms by my good friend and pediatric orthopedic surgeon, ron who used to be on the u.s. ski team and his kids were skiing at eight weeks, that i've worked my son's leg on purpose. from this experience comes my best piece of parenting advice. never teach her children to do anything. that is what paid professionals are for. when my sons cast finally came off by which time he fights in the next ski season had begun, i hired a ski instructor and that's what i've done for all three of my children for every skill they need to acquire. i pay for ski lessons from a ski lessons come in music lessons, dance lessons, driving my sins come at s.a.t., all of it. that is a job to say here at a
book launch trying to make enough money to pay for all those lessons. instead of having a teachable moment with my son who can now scare that surround me. speaking of loops looping back to the whole bad smells protecting the innocent question. when the rest of us read the book mommy dearest -- who is the hero? >> i've got a broken leg here. so far you're looking pretty good. >> so far i'm looking pretty good. >> hey, jonah what is the worst thing you've ever done as a dad? i mean the worst thing.
>> it's funny. i was agonizing about this. i'm not sure i can boil it down to one. years ago when my daughter was about four, three and a half, my wife had to stop at the fancy liquor store in our neighborhood to pick up something. to get through the next couple days. at some point my daughter turned to my wife and said what kind of story is this? where is this? my wife said it is the booze store. my daughter exclaimed him loud voice, booze, my daddy loves whose. wish the entire liquor store that was hilarious. the truth is defense against libel. there is a time when my daughter
loved hawaii because its beaches and all that kind of stuff in my wife's family has a house in a white and we would go there and she was always lobbying to go to lie. but she was three or four years old, little girl she kept saying why do we go back to white. because it is really expensive and we can just keep spending money on hawaii. one day fox news happened to be on. i have no idea why. my daughter runs upstairs and grabs my wife and i is that i have to show you some thing. my daughter learned how to use the dvr and pause the tv and one of these absolutely fantastic ads on fox news. about reverse mortgages. the one with fred thompson.
it was some stock footage infomercial guy. she had seen a perfectly. she says hold on in his play on the dvr. the guy says you can get a lot of money out of this house. she paused after that in terms to my wife and i am sad to see we can get a lot more money out of this house. but actually that were smaller compared to ms is actually true. the other stories were true and it was terrible and i don't know how to make it into a funny story. in this book i write about dogs. it's like i'm not sure i want to write about fatherhood. i don't want you to read about fatherhood. i wanted to write about dogs. he has my number, so i wrote for him. my wife is from fairbanks, alaska. under pseudo-intellectual than
me jewish from upper manhattan. their ideas -- may idea of manhood is clearing the homeless guys up the front of your house. the very different thing. the first time literally the first time my wife left me alone for an evening with my daughter, she was a toddler and couldn't speak yet she went to a baseball game at two sisters come including one who's raising their kids in fairbanks leg straight out the discovery channel show. they are very tough up there. that 10 minutes after she is gone i am watching my daughter adorably chase our cat and she trips and falls and hits her head on one of those half-moon doorstop themes gaseous or four
had come us gaseous or forehead, split the white oak bed and i just see this pool of blood spread out underneath her. i'm like i don't know what to do here. and so it became this terrible thing weren't trying to get the blood off your face but she's starving. she's in her high chair covered like the youngest member of the manson family was paid blood on her face and my brother-in-law comes to the house and a psyche really probably should take her to the hospital. are you sure? she's all bloodied up and eating rice with their hands. i guess i better take her to the hospital. so i take her in the most terrifying and other than the fact, like when you get a brand-new car the first in you put in the car drives you crazy. i have a brand-new baby and i put the first came in and i have to tell my wife. i had to make the phone call --
bob, you would know anything about this. you say honey, don't worry she's fine, but i'm at the hospital blog, blog blog. the problem is her sister as they are a cheesesteak were not leaving the baseball game for this. my wife's sister says my only advice is wait for the plastic surgeon because otherwise you will get some rookie doctor who will put a frankenstein scar into your daughter's forehead and it will be there forever. i had to wait for hours and hours for the plastic surgeon to come. they all like we are perfectly capable. no i must wait for the plastic surgeon. five hours later my wife finally get their in minutes after walking out of the hospital, i start writing, meltdown complete
because the stress was terrible. i really have ptsd about it ever since. my advice is a tougher one. the good advice is always great for the plastic surgery, which i do think it's good it's nice. first of all, the whole idea of quality time is bs. planning and quality time with your kids is impossible. the only thing that really matters is quantity time because you never know when the quality will pop out. spending time with your kids matters. i'm also a believer in making nice christine pearce i mention this in the eulogy to my dad. when i was five or six years old come every sunday my brother and i would take turns walking to get lox and bagels. my dad was holding my hand and
all the sudden he stops dead in its tracks, squeezes my hand and says jonah, i want to tell you something. if you are ever, ever pulled over while driving in south america tell the police officer and sorry, is there any way i can pay the fine right here. [laughter] i am like okay daddy. the advice has stayed with me ever since. i told my daughter this many many times. and i try to do the same sort of thing every day when i drop her off a carpool, illustrator for loud devices that readers and other kids can hear. usually something like no knife fight. sometimes i will scream get out of my car. the teachers are always sort of laughing matter, sort of uncomfortable. so i guess my advice would be
quality time is quantity time and make life interesting and wait for the plastic surgery in. thank you. [applause] >> i'm just a little fuzzy on some team. she is in the high chair where were you? she is in the high chair. they are federal guidelines for high chairs. they don't just fall over. >> she didn't follow that the high chair. she fell chasing the cat. >> you are turned away. where is the cat? >> i just think that this probably had more to do with daddy's love of news -- booze.
>> plausible. that is not disqualifying, by the way. >> a dear friend of mine had an incident, a little baby boy and i came up with a joke. when his wife is on the south side she can see down the hallway into the kitchen and he was holding the baby in the thing the swaddling clothes, that he could be walking back and forth in the hallway and then when he was behind the law he could put the baby down and put a watermelon in the thing and he would walk to her and it would be hilarious. he called me two days later and said you're not welcome in our house anymore. [laughter] stephen hayes, have you ever
endangered your child? >> yes several times. in fact, that is my worst parenting moment. it's like you anticipated. >> so my wife and i early on decided we were not going to be the parents to pressure into sports. and push them into one sport or another. our kids are now 10 eight and five. connor in particular i was interested in having connor play hockey. saturday morning i tipped connor to watch the navy used the hockey team.
practicing their defensive formations. some people might think i was extreme. i didn't. i just thought he needed to be exposed. i wasn't pushing. he needed to be exposed in case he was interested. he hadn't decided if he wanted to play hockey. we're watching hockey one day. he's got his piercing blue eyes. i looked at his eyes in relief of the jersey he's wearing that i got him for his birthday. we chose from among the four other jerseys that he had. he didn't want the classic jersey that day. he looks up at me and i can feel the moment is coming. you don't understand what he's saying. he takes out his u.s.a. hockey mouthguard.
i looked back at him in all seriousness and said i'm not going to tell you what you can and can't do. so two weeks later i taken him to have his first official hockey skating lessons at the naval academy. connor has been skating for several years at this point. figures is for those of you unfamiliar with skating have very long way particularly in the back that extend well beyond the actual boot and the front they have the toe pick. so they are very easy to learn on and connor had been skating for a couple years. this was his first hockey skating instruction. i've gone out and gotten hockey skates. hockey skates are altogether different. the blade barely stretches beyond the actual boot and is
surrounded at the end much more difficult to skate on. so they've taken into his first blessing. as excited about this, wearing a navy hockey jersey. not trying to pressure, but just encouraging. i'm looking at the navy hockey coaches and think what may seem him skating around the libyans have a couple age groups and have him play with the older kids. probably got his old man's skills, probably not. i gave him a pat on the back and when i gave him a pat on the back committees as fred flintstone style falls on his head. he's wearing a helmet i've got him for his part day. just encouraging, trying to expand its horizon. he lands on his head and tries to get up and to kick it out. i am looking at him and he's looking at my wife and my wife
is looking at me and he can't stand up. she says go help him. i said honey, these are the times. and he gets up and splat right on the ice. on his face. tries again. my wife was in tears. my son connor is in tears. he is crying. all the other hockey kids are laughing at him and pointing at him. it is hard braking. whose kid is that? cascade at all. so this goes on for four or five minutes. it felt like three hours. i know he skates and flaps his way over to the quarter and i pick them up by the back of his jersey and give them a talk. connor, everything will be fine.
don't take this to heart march march 72,015. not that i know the time. washington capitals are playing the minnesota wild and connor who is now seven years old is playing between the periods between the washington capitals in the minnesota wild. they sent us little kids on the ice and connor goes on the ice with his teammates. most of the kids on a 10 by seven, eight, nine years old. he's kind of jan. he's done well but he's not killing it in the league. so he goes out and the initial putt dropped gone conor skates directly to his last in love
with this full body open ice check on this other kid perfect. not the kid to the ice. checking is it legal at this age. that is exactly i told them to do it. he breaks up a play on the defensive end. who gives them a good and a good pass and there's a breakaway and not today. this is at the verizon center. 20,000 people watching this. most of them are getting here. 4000 people watching this. connor takes the pot and just buries the shot in the back of the net. looking around at the other hockey dad liked egc without lives? did you see that kid? a no-space-off connor takes it down, buries it. two goals in a four minute game. this is the greatest moment if
you're a dad, this is the greatest moment you could ever have. you might as well it ended at this point. no point in continuing to father. every time at the end of these games they suspected might of the night. i've had seasons now for 10 years. every single time they take the kid who scored the goal. i assume they will pay a connor. the good thing is i've rehearsed this with him. it just gets worse and worse, doesn't it. before they interview him coming. on the scoreboard, i told him what to say. thanks to my dad all those early mornings -- [laughter] and the wrath of coors skates directly towards connor in keeps going past connor. i'm like he's over there. you should get that.
instead he grabbed this little girl who's just started hockey a couple months earlier and takes her over to the penalty box to be interviewed. i am furious. i want to be -- kill somebody at this point. she does this interview. she likes hotdogs and she likes hot dogs and pizza is her favorite food and her favorite thing about hockey is scoring goals. she's never scored a goal. i just want to point that out. the interview and then we are waiting at the very top in the nosebleed seats for them to bring the kids. i'm expect to connor to be angry. how could he not be the might of the night. he comes up and walks up the stairs and said his dad did you see grace got the might of the night? i sat connor life isn't fair. sometimes this stuff happens. he said no, isn't it great?
i'm kind of perplexed. what are you talking about? he didn't do anything. she didn't even like hockey that much and now she's going to love hockey. he's totally sincere and there's this purity about the way he says this. here's the advice for dad. it's sort of a hackneyed version of kids are brazilians. you can give your kids as much bad parenting is possible, which obviously i had done. they still can understand what is right and what writers among us what he said with grace. having said that if anybody wants to see the video. i was at a grocery store not long ago when i ran into this person who's a regular fox news viewer. nice to meet you.
is that a verizon phone? that reminds me. my son was at the verizon center. i don't have any advice. that's the story. [applause] >> good sportsmanship is got to end soon. otherwise it's going to take root. all i take away from that if conservative journalist beats sign-on figure skates. hey james lileks what is your actual worse story? you could figure it out how jonas care got to the mission. they wrote down the basement steps is a very small kid.
can a baby survive going down the steps. asking for a friend. previously the baby and the guy turns his head for a second and a half and you see that happening. i imagine you think the legal ramifications of this are the least of my worries. how is our daughter? about that i was thinking maybe we would consider the child to be like a little warm up in the batting cage. i'm asking my friend how can you let your child fall down the stairs because from the moment my daughter was born i assume that this posture like this. i was stuck in the pose of a greco roman rest frozen for five
years to protect her. women want to take it to the brisk and give the nurturing love of life. you give it to the dad and you're afraid it's going to break his neck. then you have to put it in the thing and go home in the car, which is the most stressful ride you've had in your life to the previous day the windows down near 70 miles an hour with one hand. neither five mouse with the blinker on and your wife still thinks your dragon like mr. mikko at the nascar race. and then you get home and realize everything in your house is peril. everything a sharp corners. the result is a lack of outlets everywhere. you know the minute you turn your back your child who was just born will learn to stand go to the tour get a knife stick it in a socket on the
skeleton will be blinking on and off. so you are very careful when you do what you can. i remember the earlier themes of the changing table. you put them on the changing table. bungee cord magnets ropes for the sailor at the dog. they can't do. and then you wonder why you feed them corn in the first place. you take a lot of awful and turn around for a second. if you turn around for half a second, the child who was strapped turns into houdini and a serb or so a performer and it's how you can do to spin around and catch them. all that stuff you can just come you configure she's going to fall down there. if you put deadly in the wall
she will figure out how to fix something and do it. it's the stuff you don't presume that will surprise you. one is the worst thing i did and the other is the worst thing my daughter knows that i did. there is a play place area i went to where the kids can go and climb and play. it was huge. i would go there and sit there with the rest of the st. helens moms who accepted me as one of the road. [laughter] i am a stay-at-home dad. what job did you lose? and the daughter would go in there and i would realize it's been about 10 15 minutes since i had seen her. i'm the guy who thinks natural it up there there are ninja fighting to get control of her and take her away.
so i go into this thing. i get up on the ropes in the tunnels and find at the very top there aside preaches as daddy we have to go down this. this is great fun. i said sure. i had my video camera with me because of her childhood i figured i would capture the moment rather than experiencing it. >> anybody else get a creepy vibe out of this? >> i think with the video camera climate for the child's play place. i'm done. >> ivar. we get to the top of this long slide. a little bit of trepidation and wondered what next. little did i know that what they did come every so often the case came by with a spray can of
silicone and drenched the slides of silicone. so when i got on that thing with my added weight in hers, we shot down that what iraq is like. we flew off. i got her cradled like this in one hand and a camera in the other because priorities right? when we hit the ground my feet hit and we flew into this padded wall and all i could wait for it was the the whale. daddy, daddy, do it again. i have video of the video does look like a crash test dummy footage. that would ease it turns out she liked it. here's something she thinks would be her worse. before wi-fi came along, i worked at home and had a chord with a lot tucked into the wall. a long cord. i would sit there and typing she would walk around the house and have fun.
i was writing about disney and disney princesses because apparently disney programs but of course can be princesses instead of what they really want to be is coal miners i guess. so i am writing this piece in defense of disney because i actually do like disney. my daughter comes up to me across the room with donald duck in her hand because dad can do donald. every dad must be able to do it irritated pop by talking to himself. so she's coming towards me. and what she doesn't see is this very and telephone line stretched across here. i grab my laptop because priorities. [laughter] she's close line. she goes down on the ground
stunned holding donald and i'm looking at this piece i found about disney. my first thought is i've got to get this into the peace somehow. hallowed by going to get this into the piece. so that was the problem. i did eventually. everything is material. i was a local columnist for the newspapers i read about my daughter a lot and i wrote about her on the blog a lot. to this day, people say they see me from the paper on the look of my daughter and think you are and she starts to smile because all these people know all the things she did. she has no memory whatsoever of this person i constructed that people see her as. that's the worst thing she would say i did. i have to agree with her because it needs in order to establish her own identity shall have to go to college on the other side
of the earth to get away from the people who think she is my daughter. and that is fine. she will go to college and when she does i will regard it as sending her off to an enormous electrical outlet and i just buy a $60,000 to get her a knife. [laughter] [applause] >> you got paid for the peace right? >> absolutely. >> a comedy writer friend of fun is that this kid and they were stopping on the corner and there was a woman a very large woman sitting on the bus stop looking at her phone and crying. the little boy said i wonder what she is crying about. and then my friend said she probably got attacks or did someone say and i ate the rest a sandwich in the refrigerator.
the little boy said daddy, that is really mean. to his credit, my writer friend said that his daddy's job. that's why it's got all this. if you don't like it -- [laughter] again, i am childless. is that obvious? tucker, here's what you got. p.j. broke his kids lake, james carotid this kid and sold the story from monday added drunken negligence, joan allowed his daughter to get a forehead gash that led everywhere. stephen push to skate into the ice because he was wearing the wrong states. so top that. >> obviously i can't. this is a tough assignment when jonathan asked me to instead you have to ask does the father
appeared i have always held myself blameless as a father. i'm not joking at all. and then i'm thinking why. first of all i am a ton of kids. you can get overwhelmed by guilt if you allowed it. second, we had them really god and i think we just had different attitudes. i never once worried they would get hurt or anything would happen to them. i still never worry ever. >> were you ever hoping? >> i always had really high self-esteem. i mean that. criticism never has penetrated. i'm not joking even a tiny bit. i'm impervious to criticism or reflection or self-doubt or anything. so i was a little bit concerned because you have to put on this pose like a really screwed it up
when i honestly don't feel that i have. yesterday is god watches 5:30 yesterday had my worst moment as a father father in almost 21 years. the back story is one of my many faults, my worst assignment dictated tabak go in a bad way my whole life. thank you for clapping. they couldn't call it an institute because it wasn't scientific. >> it was. by the way, the science is unsettled. the point is that always had this problem. so finally a year ago i quit tobacco for good. i am on these godman lozenges. others on the spit onto what i'm talking about, p.j. i can do on the zippo tricks.
i could. so i grew up around it. my father was unfiltered pall malls just a ton of them. he was a journalist and it never occurred to him this was bad. so he was constantly smoking with the windows up in a home always said he would fetishize cigarette and a good thing about smoking non-filters is you can field strip and said the enemy doesn't know you're smoking. when i was about eight i called my brother and my father goes for newer and present a cigarette pack is your friend. there's a lot you can do. so it 13 i started smoking. i had permission to smoke at school. it was just not a big deal. when we had kids it became this thing because you are not supposed to smoke and thunder kids obviously because it's a bad habit. and i was kind of a living testament because i become a heavy smoke or as a result.
so i started dipping tobacco. everyone says it's so gross. it's actually fantastic. i chewed copenhagen, once you get into it you can really get into it. what is the new one for the young guys you are just starting out, kodiak blueberry. this is like the cowboy brand. you toss it in. i'm not going to smoke in bed anymore and i'm not going to smoke in front of the kids. so why would get. so we had three daughters and a son. as you know, many things women claim they don't like violence or whatever, that they secretly started to. then wouldn't have worse if women really hated violence. [laughter] if you thought you were going to
be celibate after you came home, you wouldn't go in the first place. but one thing they claim to hate that they actually do hate is chewing tobacco. they are not kidding. i learned this. i don't know why. i tried to explain this to them. they would flip out and they wouldn't stop. i finally gave up dipping in front of them. but i have a son as well who is now 18. so i would always dip with him. we hunted fish a lot so we are always on trips and i would throw it. my wife find out about it instead of lecturing. he's going to do it. i said that's not true. i told him 20 times it's a disgusting addiction and the real addiction and it's an attractive and gross heyday. but i remember being at a convenience store and i bought like eight kids. he was like eight years old. he picks up a can of copenhagen and start snapping at like that.
the woman behind the counter freaked out. put that down. you are not allowed to touch that. anyway, to make a long story short, i wife said you shouldn't do this. he looks up to you and he will start dipping. i said nobody uses tobacco anymore. it is never going to happen. four years ago we sent him to boarding school and he went to the same school i went to in my brother went to and has the same name as my brother which is an unusual name and my brother was thrown out of the school. my son shows up at the same name and we are not super superstitious, but enough to be concerned about it. we've been worried for four years he's going to get thrown out. his graduation is two weeks from today. my wife and i were saying yesterday morning i can't believe it's going to graduate. so yesterday i'm driving by myself and my son calls me from school and he says he's gotten in trouble. i'm thinking this is it.
the one thing i want is you to graduate from high school, bigger first buckley carlson to graduate from high school. i said what did you do? are you going to graduate? it's a tense moment. he says no, i graduate but i'm in trouble. what happened? i do want to tell you. said i left a cup of dip spit on my desk. i said whose dip spit was that? he said it was mine. i said you dip? yes i do. my first thought to be clear eyed never blame myself for my kids. i really don't. they are their feelings from a young age a hold them responsible as adults even when they are five. my wife will say what you do wrong question we did nothing wrong. we are excellent parents. we give them every advantage of their failures are their failures. and i mean that with total
am unman and my feeling is i will be honest about things but i am embarrassed, don't care if this until he graduates. what is the punishment for dipping? the punishment, because this is it doesn't 15 and nothing is the sin. everything is an error. if only they knew is to go to therapy three times. i am not making this up. i said therapy? i said therapy? but you are an idiot. you left it on your desk. what can they teach you? how dumb you are? i heard the therapist is hot. he actually said that, i swear. i thought you are going to be
okay. i am not one for drying deep conclusions especially from my own failures because what is the point? i would say if there is one lesson i and taking from this it doesn't matter what you say to your kid. i am a champion i talk for a living. i talked a lot at my children, don't even pretend to listen but my son does sort of. he was listening less the thought he was, told him don't ever do this don't ever get involved with tobacco. that is exactly it. that is exactly it. he does like the dog in the far side cartoon. he didn't hear a single thing. he was watching what i was doing. i was dipping and therefore he dips. talk less if you want to instill a virtue, act virtuous. [applause] >> what is remarkable is this is
a portrait of -- >> it really is -- doesn't sound like much. we are going -- before i make my final decision we will open a cross-examination. any questions? >> just a statement about dipping. i was cured of dipping by my wife taking me out side and showing me the left side of my car. >> even i had to admit. >> had one right there.
>> really important based on the education mass incarceration profiling youngsters from early days. >> sure. my daughter's main news source is tumbler. it is not even news stories, but emotional pictures with large tag lines aimed straight at the heart. all my conversations are mined and rationality, thinking before you feel. feeling when you are 14 is tremendous, everyone is feeling, justify their feelings, it actually evaporates in the light of reason. that is what i teach her but it is a mistake to have done so.
what i should have done is marinade her in marxist confiscation. so she would have something to reject. so when she gets it at school she can say you guys sound like my dad. another one? right here. wait for the mike to find you. >> i'm interested in the panelists's opinion of what is called free range parenting. what many of us call growing up the good old way. >> i turned out ok without a bicycle helmet. >> the jury is out on that. i would not say i turned out great, i turned out okay. everyone here has kids who ride
bikes. and 1-year let their kids ride a bike without a helmet? i know you do. >> only when his mom isn't around and not only because he rides his bike without a helmet that we live at the top of a steep hill and at the bottom of the steep hill is a pond. i would be worried about him wearing the helmet because it would suck him right under. the free range kids thing, totally legitimate, it is sad that you have to label free range kids as if it is boutiques, weirded, specialty coffee and kids who are allowed to take risks, tucker and i are basically neighbors and i'm raising my kid in the 1950s. our neighborhood is totally 1915s. agra up in new york city in 1970s.
i was mugged ten times by my daughter's age. i remember vividly when i was 7 years old my mom sent me down to buy her a carton of large cigarettes and from the head shop and the pakistani leader refused to sell them to me so my mom came downstairs living in her nightgown and shoot out of this woman saying my kid is allowed to buy me cigarettes. i remember my mom be of a homeless guy who picked me up the way home from school to spin me around. my daughter has none of these experiences and it really concerns me. not that i want -- i don't want the homeless guy picking her up. i don't want her egg getting a
fan by the playground. ignore the tears stained mattresses in the back. the environment they grow up in is very difficult when all the other kids live like delicate flowers, to raise your kid any other way, they seem like bruisers and terrace. >> that couple in virginia the got basically -- silver springs are they out on bail now? >> they're going to tucker's kids's that this. >> she is hot. >> time for two more. we will start at there. >> a quick question, i didn't hear you say anything about spirituality or using religion to held discipline and motivate kids. >> that is because these are crappy father is. that is why we are up here.
>> that is the premise of the book. >> he hates religion. >> i don't see how you can raise kids without religion. i just go because the pope said so. end argument. >> we have a whole chapter larry miller, the great comedian larry miller does our religion thing we talked to him because he is better. by hold tucker blameless for bringing up his children with god. the word is infallible. i think it is important. i would say that. would is weird is how receptive kids are to it. not mine. >> i should have brought some of atheists the coz they just have absolutely no interest in anything. >> have you tried beating them
harder? >> i happen to be -- i am religious without being spiritual. with me it is all about the kneeling and standing up and kneeling again and standing again. like an episcopalian catholic. >> episcopalian upgrade. huddy make episcopalian look at his shoes each dimension jesus or money. always works. >> time for one last one, over it there. >> thanks so much. i'm wondering if any of you, are your dad's still living? today -- >> he is not answering the question. >> did dads second-guess your fathering the way moms second is your mothering? >> never.
a father -- i never heard of that. i guess individual fathers do but men are non confrontational with each other. >> we talk about golf. >> resolutely shallow. i am serious. my wife -- >> do they buy my son is in fallible, my work is done, everything is going to be fine? >> everything is going to be fine if that is how we feel. my father-in-law and i have talked occasionally and he will say not the block, where 38 special. he was an fbi agent the knows about these things. >> my daughter is alaska of our family to have the last name lil lileks lileks. i wanted to keep her last name. grandfather's ralph is 89 this year and still drives a harley.
every year he tools around and still drive semi transports. he can find things i can't see. and amazing fellow. my daughter has great respect for him. coming out of fargo where i was born and raised in front of us was one of the trucks, it kept going and turned off and i watched her watch that, she was pleased to see her name attached to something and i wonder if she thought maybe she could inherit this. of course you are not. but the name you will and what your father your grandfather, my father doesn't give me any advice but he set an example i hope i can manifest to my daughter but it is all going to be fine. >> time to wrap it up. here is what i got. i got a bloody 4 head-potential
skull injuries, broken limb, cancer of the mouth, in honor of contemporary childhood, you are all going to get a trophy to a. >> we are all winners? >> fathers of the year. >> thank you very much. [applause] >> 17-year-old daughter last summer cleaning out her room which happens every decade. all the trophies wound up, where are all the trophies? she said throw them away. would leave in throw them away? for showing up. i don't want those things around. they are stupid. they're all for showing a.
thank you for showing up. [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] >> booktv on twitter and facebook. and we want to hear from you. twitter.com/booktv. post a comment on facebook, facebook.com/booktv. >> princeton university's peter singer says we are entering an age where being successful will be based more on altruism than financial success. that is next on booktv. >> i know you are there. peter, thanks for having me do
this. i have known peter a long time. it must be kind of rubbing to see your more theoretical desires implemented. talking backstage i ask this question in front of the audience. what has happened that this generation of young people cares more, whatever elements -- >> a generation of millennials come of age since 2000 who are interested in this taking jetblue edge i am not really sure why. one thing could be that they feel reasonably economically secure, but we want to have